(Source: rillilolita)
Tracks
your bed is probably as happy to see you as you are to see it. ‘here comes the warmth slab’ it thinks
wrong it thinks “god hope this dipshit doesnt spill beans all over me again who tf eats beans in bed”
stop reblogging this new year new me i havent spilled beans in bed ONCE this year
uh oh
(Source: liepard)
A while back I heard my friend (male) insult another dude by saying, “You look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t go to Wal-Mart to buy his girlfriend a box of tampons” and I still think about that crowning insult sometimes
My dad once called another guy “someone who thinks loading the dishwasher once in a while makes him less of a man”
I like your dad already
one time my dad’s boss was giving him shit for always leaving work early so he could get home and help my mom with me when i was a newborn and his boss said “i’ve never changed a diaper in my life” really proudly and my dad responded “i’d be ashamed to ever admit i was that worthless of a husband”
oh WOW
This is by far my most popular post.
(Source: s-t-y-l-e-t-s)
Me thinking about a joke I told last week
what the fuck, that’s way funnier than the screengrabs